I know you have all probably had your fill of celebrity break ups recently, Cortney Cox and David Arquette, Billy Ray and Tish Cyrus, and of course Marinka and Husbandrinka, but I had to share my own marital troubles with you as well:

(This morning’s conversation with my life partner, Stan the Man)

Me:  Darling* how was your dentist appointment yesterday? He had four fillings done!

Man:  So pleasant!

Me:  Assuming I’ve missed his extra-subtle attempt at sarcasm. But the shots, what about the shots?

Man:  That needle is gigantic!  And once the needle went in, Doctor D had to tweak it a few times.  Does a “turning the crank” sort of motion with his arm.

Me:  Having had a root canal just last month, I am visibly shaking from hearing this as I re-live painful flashbacks of the four and a half shots Dr.D had to crank into me.

(Yes I realize how dirty that sounds.)

(Shut up.)

Me:  Gah! That sounds terrible!

Man:  Terrible? It’s like a gentle massage for your gums.

Me:  Stunned silence.

(Yes I realize how rarely that happens.)

(Shut up.)

Man:  It’s almost as nice as the thing they use to scrape your gums when they clean your teeth.  I wish I could have that done every week.

Me:  They have to NUMB me for teeth cleaning.

Man:  Oh.

And so ladies and gentlemen it is with a sad heart that I have to tell you I am contemplating divorce on the grounds that I am married to an android.

*if you called bullshit on this one you would be right.