Posts Tagged ‘breastfeeding’

Perils of Parenting

Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

(Disclaimer: this is meant to amuse, so don’t lose your cool, defuse!)


Babywearing Weary Back- lower back and/or shoulder pain inflicted by wearing baby.  Can be exacerbated by vacuuming whole house while wearing said baby.  Remedies involve elaborate favor trade-in system and/or blackmailing of child rearing partner (ie you hold baby while I shower and I may let you keep your eyebrows)

Co-Sleeping Shoulder Crick- stiffness of the upper body particularly the shoulder and neck region (may effect elbow).  Often sustained due to sleeping in perfectly arranged position in which baby is (finally) asleep and you are comatose from exhaustion.  Overcome via bait and switch strategy, aka employing daddy decoy device.

Hunchback of Nursing Dames- common new mom injury resulting from lowering your head and staring intently at your baby to make sure s/he is nursing correctly.  Variations include the Bottle Prop Back Pop (ouch!)  If you are unable to look away from baby despite sustaining repeated injuries simply set up video camera to tape your feeding sessions.  Review in spare time (spare time is defined as interval of time typically no greater than four minutes between naps/feedings/diaper changes)

MIL Mouth- symptoms include dry mouth and sore tongue.  Root cause- constant defending of your parenting decisions to your MIL (and your mother, grandmother, next door neighbor, bossy lady in the elevator, etc.)  Effectively cured with Crummy Ear Drum.

Crummy Ear Drum- injury sustained from banshee like screams emanating from baby for no apparent reason.  Particularly challenging when injury occurs in only one ear.  To remedy place headphone in non-injured ear and blast music into it loudly.  You are now deaf and can truly benefit from all of the baby sign language you have been diligently teaching your baby.

Teeny-Tiny-Toothless-Terror-a-Phobia- fear of your baby.  Root causes include baby pinching you (then pointing and laughing, no seriously what is the deal with that?), baby bursting into tears at the sight of you (particularly common with daddies and/or other secondary caregivers) and many more real or imagined scenarios in which baby seems to be deliberately mocking or secretly judging you (see example below) despite his or her inability to speak (or hold own head up).  Seek professional assistance.

Notes on Nursing

Monday, July 19th, 2010

Today my little one is five months old (don’t ask how this is possible, I just don’t know), which means I’ve survived five months of being a first time mostly clueless mommy! And it also means I only have one month left of my original goal to exclusively breastfeed her for the first six months.  Of course it doesn’t mean I quit the day she is six months old…in fact how I plan to introduce solids is mostly undecided…oh well four more weeks to figure that out.  In the meantime looking back here are some things I wish I knew before I started and here they are in no particular order:

1) It will get easier! In the beginning everything had to be just right.  I had to be in my nursing chair with a Brest Friend and a footstool.  I needed one pillow behind me, one under my arm and one propping up where her head was.  I could only really nurse in the cradle position and for that I had to use both hands, one for the “c-hold” and one to support her head with.  I had to have someone nearby because I HAD to scratch my nose or my back or something the minute she was latched on properly! But these days I can nurse her pretty much anywhere without a lot of thought to it, yes I can nurse and walk at the same time.

2) There might be bumps in the road. So not only does it take time for you and your baby to figure out how to do this but there can be some challenges along the way.  Some I anticipated…sore nipples? Stock up on Lansinoh.  Nursing 24/7? Get some outside help.  Stressed about booby traps? Set yourself up for the best possible outcome! But others I didn’t…I didn’t know that I was engorged (okay I suspected but I wasn’t sure, it was my first time at the rodeo) and I didn’t know how to use my breast pump, needless to say my doula’s help was invaluable for this.  The biggest bump (literally)? I started getting plugged ducts and recurring mastisis when she was eight weeks old.  This was challenging not only because it hurt (a lot) but because despite my research and reading I didn’t really prepare myself for this possibility and was kind of clueless when it happened.  I finally got in touch with a lactation consultant and things improved markedly.

3) Don’t stress the gear. Just like everything else on my baby registry,  I did lots of copious research to prepare myself.  And while I do recommend some things to make this easier:  a nursing pillow, footstool, nursing bras, bottles, freezer bags, maybe a breast pump, don’t stress yourself out figuring out the best possible piece of equipment.  For example I was really worried about bottles, what about nipple confusion? and flow rates? and BPA? But in the end I didn’t end up giving her a bottle so that was all pointless (and if I wanted to give her a bottle a quick trip to any drugstore would have done the trick.)  And pumping, I was very concerned about pumping (which pump? how often? when?) but as it turned out pumping exacerbated my plugged ducts so I ended up hand expressing anyway.  If you discover you desperately need something in this day and age it can be delivered to your door probably overnight!

4) Get support! Not just for your ta-tas but for you.  If you weren’t brought up with breastfeeding as the norm you might not have your mom or mother in law to turn to, your husband might be clueless, your girlfriends might not have kids yet, etc.  So do yourself a huge favor, find a support group and if possible go while pregnant to get used to seeing women nurse their babes.

5) It’s kind of awesome. In the truest sense of the word.

And on the seventh day…

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

We rested! Finally!

Today’s is Aliza’s seventh day and since she so thoughtfully gave us the gift of sleep we shall return the favor and give her the gift of recording random ramblings that will embarrass her one day in the all-too-near future.
As told from Aliza’s perspective (we have almost a Betazoid-like telepathy with our child and can therefore interpret her thoughts and desires)
Day One (Friday, February 19th, 2010)
Birth! Pretty exciting stuff. Mommy seemed upset that the doctors were cutting me out of her so I decided to poop on them as a form of revenge. When that didn’t seem to do much to cheer her spirits I peed on the floor (all while my head hadn’t been born yet) and that really did the trick, Mommy found that hilarious! Afterwards I went to the yucky nursery with Daddy, the mean mean nurses didn’t let me see Mommy for three whole hours, I rewarded them by being the loudest baby there! The rest of the day was pretty uneventful and I got to eat some booby and chill with my new parents, they seem ok so far, only a tad neurotic.
Day Two (Saturday, February 20th, 2010)
I’m kicking butt and taking names…so far the names are Mommy and Daddy…you two didn’t think I was going to let you sleep did you?
Day Three (Sunday, February, 21st, 2010)
I was pretty ready to get the heck out of this place and go home! We made it safe and sound despite the “blizzard” outside and I was greeted by all of my grandparents and my furry big sister Rory.
Day Five (Tuesday, February, 23rd, 2010)
Our first outing as a family- Mommy, Daddy, Rory and me! It was pretty great, even if it only lasted ten minutes.
Day Six (Wednesday, February 24th, 2010)
Back out into the world and off to my first doctor’s appointment. It didn’t seem too bad, especially since Mommy fed me booby the whole time, that Mommy she is pretty awesome.
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