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the Parenting Project

Tuesday, January 10th, 2012

My enthusiasm for projects cannot be emphasized enough.

I love to plan a good project. I’m full of ideas and excitement and I even dig project planning software.

However I have this tendency to get over it as soon as I’ve gotten past the idea generating and creating the work breakdown structure phase (Gantt charts are sexy y’all)

I am not what you would call ‘excellent at follow through’.

I am the out of the box idea man, not the worker bee.

This is why android husband was mildly concerned when I first suggested we give this whole parenting thing a go by gleefully announcing “PROJECT” and throwing up jazz hands (west side jazz hands)

Is this going to be like the time you decided to start scrapbooking?

Or said you’d spray paint all of the door knobs?

Or take up piano lessons?

Or guitar lessons for that matter?

Man I have got to find a way to tamper with his memory chip.

No, ye of little faith, this will be nothing like that.

At least I hoped it wouldn’t be.

And I am here twenty two months after the initial project launch to report that while I am still oddly enthusiastic, we are experiencing major scope creep.

Which I have to say is my biggest gripe about the parenting project.

The minute, no the very second you have a handle on satisfying those pesky user requirements, the user (and I mean this quite literally as the one who uses you) throws a whole new set of requirements at you.

Or spaghetti, whichever is handy.

The latest curveball (Uh oh was that an analogy switch mid post? Yes, yes it was and now I fear I’ve lost my dedicated project management reader base) is the unfortunate phasing out of the daytime nap. Which is happening just as I have figured out the exact time, temperature and white noise machine setting to accomplish this all important feature.

Dratz.

The way I see it we have two solutions to this problem. Keep throwing money, time and personnel at this runaway project or start a brand new project! *Jazz hands*

(Note: I am NOT pregnant, but gosh this would have been a fun way to announce it if I had been.)

(No seriously, not even a little pregnant)

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Posted in Sass | 21 Comments »

five inventions that would make living with a toddler easier

Wednesday, December 21st, 2011

I’m back!

One of the reasons I so desperately needed a break from blogging was that my daughter reached a developmental milestone that has made parenting exceedingly difficult.

She became increasingly verbal and shall we say opinionated? A bit stubborn? A tad obstinate? A pain in the tuchus?

(photo provided by the lovely and talented Kate of Replikatelife.com)

I just can’t understand why no one warned me that as she approached two this would happen.

What’s that you say?

Everyone tried to warn me?

There’s even a name for this? The terrible twos?

Oh.

Well, hell.

I don’t know why it is that we have Siri and the Ipod Touch* but we have not yet invented anything that will make MY life easier as the mother of an almost two year old.

I propose NASA or Bill Gates or someone get on these ideas STAT:

  1. Robotic claw that senses the exact moment your toddler has reached REM sleep and covers them with a blanket, ditto for socks.
  2. A fuel gauge that can accurately tell me if she is low on food or sleep or full of ummm… yeah you know.
  3. A spell that would temporarily turn either my husband or me into the preferred parent of choice, that way when she screams “I want DADDY” all I would have to do is leave the room and come back as “daddy” until four and a half seconds later she demanded MOMMY back.
  4. A constant nose wiper/over wiped nose soother.
  5. A magic box that shows pretty moving pictures and pleasant sounds which would entertain the toddler long enough for me to shower.

What’s that you say?

There IS a magic box that shows pretty moving pictures and pleasant sounds which might entertain the toddler long enough for me to shower?

Is it called a television by any chance? Because android husband has expressly forbidden television viewing until toddler turns two.

It’s called a MELEVISION?

SA-WEET! Sign me up!

*yes I realize the IpodTouch has maximum toddler distraction potential but we do not speak of such things on the blog in case the Waldorf school we have our heart set on reads this

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Posted in Sass | 15 Comments »

Can we be friends, Thanksgiving edition

Thursday, November 24th, 2011

If today is Thanksgiving, a day of contentment and gratitude and tomorrow is Black Friday, a day of greed and the search for the perfect Snuggie blanket, half off, then I guess it wouldn’t be entirely Un-American for me to say that while I am so thankful for the (Facebook) friends in my life, I really wouldn’t mind a few (hundred) more.

So please, take a moment in your post dinner lull to fill out another delightful friendship questionnaire.

PS to save you the trouble of a Google search this is a Turbriskafil, though if you didn’t know that outright I may need to sent you a supplementary friendship quiz packet, please email me your mailing address and $3.95 for shipping and handling

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Posted in Friendship Test, Sass | 15 Comments »

Can we be friends? Part 1

Friday, November 11th, 2011

Something I find baffling about adulthood is how hard it is to make friends.

When you’re a kid it’s relatively simple, or at least that’s the way I remember it being. In the sixth grade one girl gave me Kerropi stationary for Christmas and we became best friends forever. Easy peasy.

Then I got old and married and became a mom and I have found it increasingly difficult to make friends. I mean there’s a reason “playdate” has the word “date” in it, because it feels exactly like dating.

You meet other moms (and dads) everywhere: the pediatrician’s office, the playground, your weekly tribal drumming class, whatever.

You casually scope each other out: parent is appropriately dressed and offspring appears only slightly feral, parent drives hybrid car with “I brake for manatees” bumper sticker, snacks are organic and homemade but feature Sesame street characters, okay these people could be my friends, maybe?

I believe friendships with other parents must be based on mutual interests, shared parenting philosophies and the ability to French braid one another’s hair.

But you can’t tell all of that from one glance across a grocery store aisle or by rifling through their diaper bag when they leave to use the restroom during story time at the library.

Don’t you wish there was an easier way to gather this sort of in depth analysis?

I do.

And so I have decided to create a questionnaire for prospective friends.

The questionnaire will cover all of the important parenting hot topics and will help you avoid those awkward moments when you realize you are the only one breastfeeding a toddler/Hot Saucing/homeschooling nineteen children or whatever your unique approach may be.

I will add questions to the questionnaire until I have created the perfect compatibility matching system.

Let’s get started. Here is question #1


Pin It

Next week we’ll tackle “what’s in your kid’s sippy cup?”

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Posted in Friendship Test, Sass | 43 Comments »

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