- Decide with your partner that in the event of children one parent should stay at home to provide child(ren) with stable primary caregiver.
- Have child(ren) and stay home with them!
- Internalize society’s bullshit that staying at home with children is not a valuable contribution to said society, particularly since it is not paid work.
- Resolve to look for ‘real work.’
- Jump at work opportunity that sounds perfect on paper.
- Ignore your gut that it is in fact NOT perfect for you.
- Stress yourself out to remain committed to the job, despite the fact that your husband and friends are actually threatening to have you… committed.
- Ignore all other creative endeavors (blogging, writing, photography) because these are not paid work.
- Grasp at straws.
- Forget why you made the decisions you made, what you really want out of life and why you matter.
I guess you don’t really need ten whole steps to get there. The formula is probably much simpler:
- Let anyone other than yourself and those whose opinions actually matter decide your worth.
- Ignore your gut.
Let me know how these work out for you!
If I’m hearing you correctly, there’s a certain Yuliya out there who needs to figure out just what makes her happy, what makes her feel fulfilled, and then figure out how to get more of that in her life?
Good luck. Because I know a certain John who is in the same boat.
The part I find baffling is that I really thought by the time I was as old as I am now I would have it figured out…not so much. Let me know where you end up steering that boat of yours.
Raising kids is the most important job in the world! Don’t let anyone make you feel like it’s not! I hope you can get everything resolved.
I agree that it is, I just don’t think it’s the right ‘job’ for me anymore. I’m sure I will find my path eventually, thank you for your words!
Sounds like my story, too! I had the same issue when I came home to raise my son after Alpha Hubby and I married. My “friends” decided I lost my brain cells & was incapable of coherent and relevant conversation anymore. I love #3 – perfect description of what happens. I have decided that the reason others treat at-home mothers with such disrespect is because inside, they are ugly-jealous that we can follow that dream. My friends ended up far more stressed than I have, didn’t end up as happy or fulfilled, either. As hard as it was at the time, I am glad I ignored the insecurity I had inside until I got past it and decided I was right where I needed to be (and darned happy about it). It takes GUTS to stay home.
I think there has to be a balance between the two. This post was more about how in my desperation to validate myself as someone back in the ‘workforce’ I held on to a situation that was miserable to say the least. Thanks for your encouragement!
Amen. I love being a SAHM and am completely fulfilled by it. And the more I stray from that plan my heart hurts a whole lot. Love you. xo
The disregarding our gut is what messes us up every time. I wish I had a way to be a SAHM but it’s not an option. I would hate someone to tell me that what I do for my family and home isn’t a “real” job (society can suck bad eggs (I was going to say balls but what consitutes a bad ball? Funk? Hair? Odd shape?)). I hope you’re able to go back to your original plan.
Letting other people’s expectations get in the way of your gut feelings can be confusing. And difficult. I hope you figure out a way to find the fulfillment you want, whether it’s as a SAHM or a creative guru or something else all together.
Oh, Yuliya. This post made me so sad. And yet, this post also means that you know EXACTLY what your gut wants. If you can and are able, I say…go for it. PS – I want to see you, let’s make that happen!
Good for you for being able to articulate all the feelings you have. Sometimes that is the biggest obstacle to overcome. I can relate to your comment above about thinking at this point “I would have it all figured out”. I have come to the realization that life is just a “work in process”. I love your blog. Thank you for putting these thoughts out there!
Um, babe? I am old enough to be your “young” mother and I STILL don’t have it figured out.
But I love that you are figuring it out for yourself, because everyone’s answer is different…and changes.
I am pretty sure this was written for me, right? Wow. I stumbled onto this and it reads like a description, of the last two years of my life. Except a large portion of the decision was I let money override my gut. Thanks.
So glad that it resonated. Well not ‘glad’ exactly. You know what I mean!