noun: to separate into isolated compartments or categories
This is what fills the chambers of my heart today:
Joy…
Realizing this little girl is now a person with thoughts and desires (voiced loudly and clearly) all her own. Appreciating how passionate, kind and funny she is.
Gratitude…
Barely believing that I am (finally) back in this complex and beautiful city surrounded by family and friends, new and old. Recognizing how incredibly lucky we are to have this opportunity.
Fulfillment…
Acknowledging that motherhood alone does not define me. That along with my daughter’s laugh, the choosing of words and framing of moments fuel my soul. Taking the first steps towards wearing my new identity, that of a storyteller.
Grief…
(photo credit YBowyer Photography)
The truth is that this one cannot be contained.
I made the hardest phone call I’ve ever had to make today and tomorrow we say goodbye to our girl. Grief threatens to spill at any moment and does.
At the grocery store it leaks out when I realize I don’t need to buy pet food anymore. On the street when an unsuspecting stranger tells me I have a beautiful dog, the dam breaks. In the middle of the night when I am annoyed to be woken up by her whining to go to the bathroom, grief bitch slaps me and taunts ’soon you can sleep uninterrupted.’
This is my truth.
I am simultaneously overjoyed, heartbroken, grateful, and angry. Full of hope and devoid of it.
Thank God for compartmentalization.
Sending you love as you face these difficult days, weeks and months ahead. I wish so badly that this day was in the far distant future, my amazing friend. You were robbed of years with your sweet girl.
I’m just a call or text away and I’m always here for you. But you know that already, right? xoxoxo
Thank you Nichole. I know I will get through this with the support of friends like you.
Oh Yuliya, I’m so sorry. That call had to be so painful. And then having to explain the loss to a child only makes it worse. I wish you peace and hugs, my friend.
I am really looking for any and all advice about what to tell Aliza. Do we make a big fuss out of saying goodbye to the dog that day? What on earth do we say when she asks where she is?
At her age, it is so hard to know…maybe the saying goodbye is too much, I would worry that she would start to equate saying good bye with people not coming back? My kids were so much older when we lost Max.
So here is what we did, I have been talking about how Rory won’t always live with us for months and the last few weeks especially I have been saying that Rory is sick. Today we had Aliza say goodbye and told her that Rory will be somewhere else where she won’t hurt anymore. I know she will keep asking where Rory is but it’s a start to the process. Thank you again.
We were just in the same spot with our Geoffrey a few weeks ago… my heart still breaks a little when I think of him.
I’m so sorry, sweet friend! <3
Thank you for your support.
it has been well over a year and I still miss our Ginger. Especially now since Ivey has been asking for a dog lately. So happy we are getting to spend some time with each other before our trip to Ojai.
Glad I have a friend that knows how hard this is first hand. Thank you for bringing such fun new things into my life that really help take my mind off things.
Oh, Yuliya…been there, and it still stirs feelings deep inside. I loved our Max so much, and miss him still. These times are so hard, and we are all thinking of you…xoxo
Thank you. I can’t believe how much I loved her, didn’t even know it was possible.
I’m so sorry Yuliya. Sending thoughts of peace to your family, but also sending joy for all of the other, beautiful moments that are coming to happen for you.
Thank you so much. It really helps to have support throughout this.
Oh my goodness.
I wish I had words but my heart hasn’t yet been forced to compartmentalize such a loss.
So I’m simply staring at my screen, sending love. And patience for the road you’ll travel with this.
Thank you so much Julie, you always have a way with words, that’s such a gift to me right now.
So sorry that you are losing such a dear friend. Hugs.
Thank you so much. Hugs accepted.
What a heartwarming and heartbreaking post. Beautifully expressed. Wonderful pictures.
Thank you so much. This is so hard but all of the support is making it easier.
I am so sorry about your sweet dog. Hugs.
She was the sweetest. Thank you new friend.
Incredible photos, Yuliya. And beautiful words. So very sorry about your doggy.
Thank you Ann. I appreciate your support.
I will miss sweet Rory so much. You guys gave her such a wonderful, happy home and she will forever be in all our hearts.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful faithful companion. I had a similar experience the evening before we had to send our family dog, a sweet chocolate lab, home to heaven. We took her out for one last walk and, along the way, two little girls approached me to pet her. “What’s your dog’s name?” they asked. “Coco,” I choked out, and then turned away so that they wouldn’t see me break down.
It’s so, so hard to say goodbye to a living being that loves so unconditionally. Sending you lots of love through these difficult days to come.
Love you my friend. Thinking about you. xo
So much love to you in the days afterward. I like to think that all the love and pure affection we exchange with our dogs stays with us after they go on without us. Brave creatures, always.
Hugs to you, sweet girl, and all yours.