I know, I know.
That sounds bizarre.
And vaguely offensive.
What I mean is I’m okay with who you are and your life choices and I want to make sure you know it…
Say you meet a new person, perhaps on vacation, and you suspect that he (or she) is gay. Which is A-OK with you. But they are going to great lengths to conceal this by aggressively hitting on members of the opposite sex, hiding the Barbara Streisand on his playlist or [feel free to insert your gay stereotype of choice.]
So you start to drop hints to communicate that should this person happen to be a boy who likes boys or a boy who likes girls, that you are fully accepting of homosexuality or heterosexuality or asexuality or WHAT HAVE YOU.
Oh I’m from San Francisco!
or
OMG I just loved Brokeback Mountain!
(or My Own Private Idaho if they also happen to be a hipster)
or
My friend and her dads are visiting me this weekend.
(Even if this is a complete fabrication and they are not coming to visit or you don’t have a friend with two dads or friends at all.)
Hopefully these little admissions will make the other person feel comfortable or intrigued or it might backfire and cause them to retreat slowly and un-friend you on Facebook.
Nowadays I find myself doing the same thing but not about who you choose to love but about how you choose to feed your child.
I’ll meet a new mom and I suspect she may be breastfeeding (or breastfeeding a toddler) and feeling weird about it or not breastfeeding and feeling guilty about it.
And I start to drop hints that communicate that I am A-OK with breastfeeding or bottle feeding or extended breastfeeding or exculsively pumping or hating pumping or WHAT HAVE YOU.
I made the funniest joke at this month’s La Leche League meeting.
or
You’re pumping? Kudos to you, pumping sucks! (rimshot)
or
I see that you are choosing [insert infant/toddler/etc feeding choice here] and that’s A-OK with me.
That last one might be kind of direct but effective.
Anyway internets what I mean is I’m okay with who you are and your life choices and I want to make sure you know it.
Related posts:
I think too many people make everyone else’s business THEIR business when it doesn’t need to be…and that’s why people feel self-conscious of their decisions and choices. It’s sad that in our society mothers can’t breastfeed or NOT breastfeed in public (or not) because it’s just not “acceptable.” Be you. No matter what. That’s what matters.
My caveat to that is that a lot things actually affect our society (or people perceive them to) and when you feel passionately about them it becomes challenging to support the cause while still supporting the individual. Hope that makes sense, I’ve only had one cup of coffee this morning!
And I’m OK that You’re OK. You are OK with me, right? I’m not breast feeding, bottle feeding, or gay. But that’s OK? Right?
Dana
No my friend you live in the promise land where children make their own food and even feed you sometimes! I dream of the promise land.
Yes, me too. As in I agree with you. I’m totally okay with people too, and I hope they know it, without actually saying, You’re gay, I’m good with that! Or any of your fab suggestions. Is that passive aggressive?
See I think my approach is weird, I feel silly slipping in those statements into conversation but short of wearing a t-shirt that explains all of views on all topics I know not what to do!
Okay is okay by me! Let’s just all get along and mind our own beeswax. Right?
Yeah it’s tough to mind our own beeswax, we live in a society after all, not a glass bubble…but I so vote for let’s all get along! Of course “let’s all get along” excludes your blood relatives right?
I love this. Also, I’m OK and wish everyone else was OK with being OK, OK? “Do you” is all I can think to say.
I love “Do you”. But if you had said “do you a do” I would have been screwed.
I’m Okay with it all, too!
I’m glad! I heart people.
Isn’t that funny how life works out? One day it’s “I’m ok with gay” and the next is “breast feeding.” Definitely shows the different stages of life!
Yes I used to go on vacation and meet new people and now I just meet mommies in playgroup….sigh.
As the father of an adopted child, I really, really like the look on faces of people after they start giving me the “I can’t believe your son wasn’t breast-fed” baloney and then realize that, well, breast feeding might not be possible all of the time.
Tina Fey wrote about the face, pretty spectacularly, in her last book.
And I, totally, go out of my way to make sure that an assumed lifestyle choice is “a-ok” with me. I, often, make myself look like an ass doing just that.
Since I breastfed(and extended bf) my kids, people assume that I’m judgey if they bottle-fed. But really? Their boobs, their business.
I tend to go in the direction of being sarcastic about judginess to show I’m great! Just fine! with whatever, which often backfires. I may need to rethink my social skills.
LOL at “OMG, I just loved Brokeback Mountain!”
FYI, I once aggressively made out with my friend, Kevin, who was so completely and obviously gay and one of those types that whored around with as many members of the opposite sex as he could in a vain attempt to cover it up. I probably should’ve just used one of your lines on him to let him know that, even though he was smoking hot, I was A-OK with him batting for the other team. Then again, he was smoking hot… and a good kisser. So, there you go.
Also, Kevin now lives in Miami in this AH-mazing house with his boyfriend and they’re both dancers/entertainers in some show. So basically, he went from trying to cover up his sexuality to living every gay stereotype imaginable. You go, Kevin!