BabyNes can kiss my …

Tuchass!

I am offended by this product for so many reasons.

First of all, the color. Is that lovely shade of pale pink the only option? I wasn’t planning on telling my baby what its sex is but now she will figure it out all for herself.

Because pink is for girls. Obviously.

Second, the cost.  In these modern times when most of us parents are struggling…

…to differentiate ourselves by buying the most expensive strollers, hand knitting organic baby blankets and reviving Michelangelo from the dead to paint the nursery ceiling a perfect replica of “orangey-pink clouds in a blue sky with golden stars twinkling“ Nestle has the audacity to price this at (only) $284 plus $56 per 26 servings?

Honestly how is that supposed to make me feel special as a consumer if it won’t even keep the riff raff from owning it?

Third, this only comes in single servings.  After I spent months searching for the perfect BPA free plastic bottles, throwing those out in my own personal landfill and re-stocking my house with American made glass bottles, how dare you make my investments obsolete!

Finally, where will this all lead? Apple juice chilled to perfection and served in personalized sippy cups? Mechanical sandwich cutters with special settings to re-shape bologna into each of your darlings’ individual spirit animals?

Let’s get real, the earlier my kid learns that I am neither a short order cook nor a barista the better.

The only good thing to come out of this is that it certainly makes my job as a charter member of the “BOOBS- Breastfeeding Only Or Baby(Seals) will be clubbed to death Coalition” easier.

If anyone I know puts this on their baby registry it will serve as my personal alert of who I need to “save”.

*ADDENDUM if you are humor impaired or plan to turn your comment into yet another formula feeding vs. breastfeeding debate please be advised that the best case scenario is your comment will be  moderated or deleted and in the worst case scenario a team of Russian clowns will be dispensed to your home to force feed you fur coat.*

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32 Responses to “BabyNes can kiss my …”

  1. Roxanne says:

    I’m not even sure what this is…is it like a coffeemaker for formula?

    Because I would have LOVED something like that back in the day.

    Although NOT at that price….

    • Yuliya says:

      Well it’s either a coffeemaker for formula or a gross violation of the WHO code and yet another way to sabotage breastfeeding moms :) your call! Although I have to admit when I first saw it I thought “GENIUS! Evil but GENIUS!”

  2. But it’s soooo cute! I really can’t have one? I can have the convenience of baby feeding liquid warmed to the right temperature in a pretty package. Oh wait. My boobs already do that.

    • Yuliya says:

      What the hell do you mean your boobs do that? You mean to tell me that I’ve been using heating pads on MY boobs all this time for NO GOOD REASON?

  3. Emily says:

    OMG! This invention will totally cause me to not BF my next child! My nips thank you! whew…

  4. Mandy says:

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Not the FUR COAT!!!!

    (I have an unearthly fear of that dish.)

    And this? This thing? It looks prettier than my boobs. I wonder if it will start to sag after the second child…

  5. Shell says:

    OMG, the Russian clowns remark has me cracking up!

  6. Haha I would love to see more product reviews like this one. It’s refreshing to see a negative review once in a while. Love the russian clowns line as well. Clowns are scary on their own but russian clowns? Terrifying.

    • Yuliya says:

      This will just make me even more popular but…. Russian clowns are also superior :) Barnum & Baileys can bite me.

  7. CDG says:

    So, basically Tassimo for formula?

    Seriously?

    Because it’s so hard to stir powder into water and warm it up? With a bottle warmer. That costs $50 for the smart one. Or with hot water.

    I’m old school.

    I formula fed three babies when I was nannying ten years ago, and I did fine without it.

    No thank you.

    Also?

    You’re foxy and funny.

    Devastating.

  8. tracy says:

    Is there a carrying case option for on the go as the convenience looks amazing! Also, I do hope there is a coffee feature so I can use it as a two-fer.

    My boobs and their 6 years of lactating love you long time.

  9. Jen says:

    Maybe I can get a used one? Either the bottle filler thing or boob. It doesn’t matter.

  10. Tracie says:

    Can I get a team of Russian clowns to come to my house and serve me some perfectly chilled wine? Because that would be lovely.

  11. I’m so glad you put in the warning at the end, cuz I was going to write a discourse on boobies and all their goodness. The Agronomist of course has his own version : )

  12. andygirl says:

    I love you hard. that is all.

    • Yuliya says:

      That genderless baby is all kinds of famous, maybe (s)he will wind up on Oprah….oh wait …OPRAH!!! WAIL!!!

  13. Marinka says:

    This is perfect. I definitely need one.

    • Yuliya says:

      Finally Marinka’s slim physique secret revealed! Formula twice a day and a sensible dinner…you heard it here first!

  14. MommaKiss says:

    I thought it was to heat my coffee creamer. huh. who knew?

  15. D says:

    I just snorted with laughter twice. I love the disclaimer best.

  16. Poppy says:

    At least it’s shaped like a boob.

  17. ::Slow Clap::

    And Russian clowns? Holy hell, regular clowns are frightening enough, but *Russian* clowns??? Yeesh.

  18. nichole says:

    This product makes me want to cry.
    No. Just no.
    For so many reasons, no.

  19. I, too, like to support products that are too exclusive for the riff raff.

    Except wait.

    No. That’s not right.

    I AM the riff raff.

    yes. that’s better…

    (i also like to support russian clowns. creepy in a good way?)

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