Do blog posts about blogging bore you to tears? Please feel free to skip to the picture at the bottom.
The blogoshpere is all atwitter (again) about how blogging is like high school. With cliques and hurt feelings, inside jokes and grandeurs of inadequacy.
I bet you’re dying to know, what does Yuliya think about all of this?
No? Please feel free to skip to the picture at the bottom.
I think there are two things that make blogging distinctly un-high-school-esque.
Numero uno, unlike the rules of hair care (which are simple and finite) the rules of blogging are anything but. In high school, though unwritten, the rules were at least always clear. My high school had if not a hierarchy (in a merit based school even the jocks are nerds) but a definite segregation, cliques if you will, and there were rules:
- Don’t stare at the cross country club team or the stage-crew crew, or else they WILL try to recruit you.
- Don’t speak above a whisper in the Honors resource lab or else someone will shank you (with a protractor, we’re not that kind of school).
- You will sit in your designated lunch area based on self identified race or ethnicity (the self identified part is important, because there were a helluva lot of confused white kids at my school.)
In blogging, there appear to be different rules from one generation of bloggers to the next. For example, “everyone” knows that to build a community and increase readership you have to comment, comment and comment some more. Well have you ever seen Pioneer Woman or Dooce comment? Exactly. The rules from one community to another differ greatly and sometimes I wish that like in high school, people could just spell out their rules for you, for example:
- I believe that bloggers should always link to other bloggers and give credit where credit is due.
- I believe that if someone always makes an effort to comment on your blog, you should make an effort to comment on theirs. If I find we have nothing in common I will pray to the universe to resolve the matter…
And Numero Dos, and this is the big difference, in high school you probably didn’t ever tell people exactly how you felt about them. You did not stand up in the cafeteria and proclaim either your love or hatred for someone. But in bloggy world we do this all of the time.
I have seen that while we have the capacity to be deliberately cruel to one another, saying things that I hope no one would ever say out loud to another living breathing human being, the converse is also true.
(Cue sappy music) In the bloggy world it is also easier to be kind, to lift up, to band together, to say with pure heart and honesty beautiful and supportive things that you may not have the courage to say out loud face to face. I have seen it time and time again.
(Cue sappy music crescendo) And I know it to be true for myself, I have on more than one occasion, written emails or left comments that tell someone just how I feel, how much their words have touched me, how funny or witty they are and how much I just plain appreciate having them in my life. Would I ever have done that in high school? Walked up to someone I admired and told them that? Probably not.
So on this Valentines Day, can I just tell you that I love you man and that I’m so glad we’re not in high school anymore.
Oh and I wish that all of your unrequited bloggy love dreams come true…
*snif* as in watery eyes, not as in finding a dirty diaper.
I think you are wonderful.
And I am so glad you were born.
And I want you to know how wonderful you are.
And if you ever come to Madison, I will never let your arm go as we walk down the street arm in arm, like 2 European ladies who would lay down and die for each other.
You are very, very special…xo
Dirty diapers! You speak the language of love Empress…
You and me in Madison, when I do make it over there, it’s going to be EPIC you can count on that!
Can I walk arm in arm with you, too? We’d fill up a whole sidewalk!
I’m not so European though. Does being married to a metro count as anything?
This is a great post! Love Love Love!
Spread the love, yay! Glad it spoke to you, I’m multilingual, who knew?
Awwww. . . . I am all mushy.
Damn you.
MUSHY KRIS! Reputation be damned!
Love that.
It’s one big love fest today, tomorrow? I bring back the SNARK, pinky swear.
I love how you wove this whole post together and all the love you sent out. You made my day, as you often do, Yuliya. I”m grateful to have met you!
I still remember reading your unrequited bloggy love post, and shouting YES at the screen…hope everyone reads it
I so love a blog with a soundtrack.
*happy sigh*
And Happy Valentine’s Day, lovely.
Be honest what sappy song did you play when I said to the cue the music? If it’s anything by that Bieber kid don’t come back here!
Oh Yuliya…I love you too.
The comments on that post I did? Made me blush like mad. And then feel ridiculous for my self-doubt.
My husband says it’s good that I don’t feel “big” and that I have a wee bit of self-doubt. Keeps me honest as a writer…and a friend.
All I know is…I am so thankful to this crazy world for bringing me to blogs…no PEOPLE…like you!
I agree with your husband, self doubt can push you to new heights…my other personality completely disagrees with him and says ‘what do you know you don’t even have a blog’!
And I am glad the Red Dress Club brought us together…man I feel sappy today, but it’s true!
Well said! Yes, I do appreciate that we can be real with each other here in this blogging community that we’re all a part of. So not like high school…
I know we’ve just met but…”I love you too, man!” Thanks for stopping by and putting in your honest 2 cents on my “high school” referring blog post of days ago.
Great post. I’m about to jump on your cool bandwagon…
Happy to have met you too, and really thank the Emress she pimped the hell out of that post! I look forward to getting to know you better!
Love this! Love, love, love! Seriously. You are a fantastic writer. And I’m soooooooooo glad I found you!
And now, my love fest is done. Sorta.
Love fest! That should be the theme for the next bloggy conference, but not in an orgy way….
You’re just plain awesome. Has anyone told you that recently? I’m shouting it now: Yo Blogosphere: Yuliya here IS FRICKIN AWESOME.
And girl can rock the sexy shoes, SWOON!
I can also rock flip flops, and I frequently do…
Thanks darling, happy valentines to you!
I won’t tell my husband, but this makes up for his complete lack of romanticism. Thank you, Yuliya. You’re a great gal, and I’m so grateful we’re buddies. Also? I think you’re dead on. We need to spread the link love – but in a non-cliquey sort of way, which is just what you’ve done. I’m going to try and do more of it.
Happy V-Day,
xoxo Chalupa
I love spreading the love, way better than spreading say herpes….
I get that there’s cliques I do, but there’s also a lot of really great stuff happening I would have expanded on that in my post but I have a self imposed word limit to make up for how much I talk incessantly in real life…
That. Was. Wonderful. No no no…thank YOU!
Ha ha ha! You’re welcome!
Love the idea of the spreading the link love.
Here in blogging world, I will comment on someone’s post and tell them that it tore at my heart, or raised me up with its awesomeness … also here in blogland I can use words like awesomeness … and no one looks at you askance
I am too old for High School, way old, I like your take on it (in spite of you looking like you could be in High School, I take solace in your old soul!)
And so many of my fav’s are your friends … how have I not been here before …
now remedied.
Well welcome here, this is a safe space, (my safe word is rainbows, just in case)
I love love love reading your writing and today is no exception.
But I also love love love all the great links you included — I just did some fabulous reading and re-reading.
Thanks a zillion. And Happy VD.
Happy to hear it, I love all the people I linked and many many more! I really do, they all add something to my life and thank YOU for being one of those people!
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by JennaFarelyn, The Flying Chalupa, A, Good Day, Reg People, PrettyAllTrue and others. PrettyAllTrue said: I am all mushy. Damn @shesuggests. Go read: http://bit.ly/hNibeF [...]
Great post.
I also think these bloggy rules change over time. In the beginning I read and commented like CRAZY and BFF’d everyone!!!!!
2.5 years later, I don’t have the stamina. I’ve also become more and more driven to do stuff off my blog, which has shifted my focus, but I feel energy challenged.
I know I don’t do as good a job as I could of reading and commenting (on even my favorite blogs) and especially of reading new ones, but I also think it is the natural course of bloggy life.
Finally, over time I am not as quick to jump into fast-friendship and BFF everyone, because I see how much sunshine is blown up the collective bloggy ass.
xo
What I mean by bloggy rules though is this, to me there are different rules for different bloggers.
There’s seniors, they’ve been blogging for six years or more, juniors (four -six years) and the rules that we have for them ARE totally different and then there’s sophomores and freshman and well those lower classmen gotta do what they gotta do to avoid the swirlies and the pants-ings.
Sunshine is blown up asses for sure, but there’s also real genuine praise happening, you’ve seen it I know you have.
By the way, you’re pretty and I like your hair….
I got a lil lost after reading Ann’s “collective bloggy ass” and am all “what the hell do I say now?”
GAH!
How about, that doggie is pretty damn cute. There. That’s all I got. Oh, and. This is like genius.
My ass felt a nice breeze, thank you much. (Valentines day is already better than I expected)
Nice post! I find blogging to be more like high school than unlike it, but I am at peace with it all. My google reader does haunt me and I struggle with comment love. You know- that part of it does remind me of high school. I feel like I am barely scraping by while all the over-acheivers run circles around me. Sigh.
The comment love thing deserves a whole separate post…sigh.
But I will tell you this I find myself being much more authentic with people now than I ever was in high school.
I don’t know what you wrote about, but I loved the dog picture!
Isn’t she pure unrequited love tragedy?
I did not skip to the photo at the bottom. I read the in-between stuff and it was lovely. Some observations even made me laugh out loud. But mostly I want to tell you that, oh my hell, that photo has LOVE coursing all through it.
And tragedy! Don’t you see the tragedy? It’s like Gnomeo and Juliet only with dogs and squeaky toys…she ended up eating that toy so maybe it’s not quite the same thing…
*sniff* I love you, man!
tissues, me too man, me too!
I miss Rory
I will let her know.
Yes, I absolutely believe there is a ton of genuine friendship and support in blogland–and it’s something I treasure.
I guess my point is that over time I’ve become a little more guarded. That is all. Also, I see my relationships more along professional lines instead of just pure friendship.
Maybe it’s cuz I’m a newbie but I love posts about blogging! I have so much to learn and I never tire on hearing other people’s views on things. I can form my own opinions but I love hearing WHY someone hates or loves something. Knowing that every experience (good or bad) shapes our beliefs, it is beyond interesting to me to find out what makes people tick.
To me blogging is like high school except that I love blogging and hated high school. That being said, I do see the cliques (they’re on Twitter too) and feel a bit left out at times. I consider that more my insecurities surfacing than actual fact. I haven’t seen the cruel sides of people yet but have noticed the mushy, gushy side. Some really seems genuine, others not so much. I think to get an accurate picture I need to attend one of the blogging conventions and meet some of these lovely ladies in person!
Great post! I just found your blog today due to the reco by the Empress on Twitter.
Oh my God Twitter is like this black void, every once in a while I try to come up with something clever to say and CRICKETS…chirp chirp chirp…
Thanks for stopping by and thank you Empress for always pimipng the hell out of me
Eh. I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t be clever in 140 characters or less. I need AT LEAST 250.
Awww! I agree. Plus no one wanted to hear what I had to say in high school. I like to think some people are interested in my opinion in the blogosphere. Loved your reference to Lrgally Blonde.
TWENTY POINTS FOR YOU! For picking up on Legally Blonde reference! Snap cup! Yay!
This is so great, and so needed. I felt that some of the recent negative posts were problematic for a variety of reasons.
But reading the Empress’ and now yours, I’m so happy you girls wrote the posts you did.
And like you commented in a reply…you feel more comfortable to be authentic now than in h.s. that statement speaks volumes.
I get people feeling left out, there are times when I feel that way too…and then I take a step back and reach for my CHILLAX pill and it’s all good again…but yes I so needed to say exactly this, that blogging for me lets me say the nice things I want to say in the moment but sometimes put off til later…I kind of wish everyone I knew had a blog!
I feel like it’s cyclical, a new generation of personal bloggers comes up and some of them feel shut out by the more established bloggers.
I’ve been to conferences that I’ve loved only to hear afterwards that people felt hurt and excluded and left out because Blogger X wouldn’t talk to them. Well, duh. I felt left out when I went to see the Rolling Stones and Mick Jagger didn’t chat with me. (Disclaimer: I don’t really think that bloggers are like rock stars. At least not geriatric, drug-addled ones. And I’ve never seen The Rolling Stones. And Mick Jagger is in love with me.)
The only advice I have for the (ahem) younger bloggers is to write your best and to read the blogs that you love, not the ones that you think will advance your blogging career. There are people on my blogroll who have left maybe 3 comments in the past three years for me, but I read them religiously because I think they’re great writers and they add value to my life.
I know there are people out there who play the comment game– will only comment on someone’s blog if their comment is reciprocated, will scan the post and leave a comment to “get credit” for reading. If it works for them, god bless, but I’ll stop blogging before I do that.
And as for the rules–I think there are pretty much the same rules for blogging as there are for living- don’t be an asshole. Be polite. Treat people with respect. Watch your sodium intake. That kind of thing.
I could rant about this forever.
I’m sorry that people’s feelings are being hurt. I’d like to think that in most instances it’s unintentional.
And Yulia, you know I adore you. Truly. You are a magnificent talent and I feel so lucky that our paths crossed in cyberspace.
I heard about you and Jagger, you hussy you! Better than Bieber I suppose…
The only caveat I have to the comment for credit NONSENSE is this, there are people I read every single day, without fail, big blogger or small, because just as you say they enhance my life with their words (or pretty pictures, or whatever) and I do feel like I have to leave a comment to let them know “hey I hear you, I am listening”
When my feelings get hurt I have two things to say to myself, “it’s all in your head” and “it’s just a BLOG”
Hold up, this was a rant? No way Marinka not even close, please take a shot (of the good stuff you hide from Husbandrinka and try again!
Yuliya, Yuliya, Yuliya,
Are you this cool in real life? Pleas say yes. I’m knocking Empress and Liz over to grab both your hands and do a Mary Tyler Moore twirl. We’ll have to put our purses down first of course. My Dad came over on a boat from Holland, so I’m close to European. I get you Europeans. Well… the dutch ones anyway. Have a wonderul lovey dovey week with your littlest and your man. You deserve it!
Dana
Purse? That’s the thing I keep my diapers and camera in…well not MY diapers, diapers for the baby…you know what I mean
And you and me can Mary Tyler Moore twirl any day…except I’m more of a Mork and Mindy kind of a girl…
Crap I should comment so you come visit my blog. I’ve slept with some European men so I think that makes me kind of cool? no?
xoxo,t
You comment on my blog, I love you LOOONG time…
OHMYGOD husband-android pointed out this was racist! CRAP
now he changed his criticism it to “ethnically insensitive” I guess that’s ok
I am clearly living in la la land, because I never hear of the controversies until they’re mentioned briefly in posts like this. I’m really glad I live life in Switzerland….
Hope I didn’t bum you out with it!
I think that you really have something here.
I also think that we have to keep one thing in mind. We are woman, myself included, and we can’t help but create drama and cliques. Its in our nature. Its how we’re built.
That’s why its good to throw a penis in there once and a while.
I love drama, but I love a good comedy more.
And as far as penises go I am proud to boast that now at least two men have commented on my blog! Success!
*sigh* I simply adore this post. Adore, adore, adore. (I was going to say love, love, love, but didn’t want to be repetative.)
I have to say, it took a little while for my inner nerd to understand that the blogosphere is more…kisses on both cheeks and big hugs than shy smiles across the room.
And I love it.
I’m such an extrovert that it’s easy for me to jump up and down and tell everyone HI I LOVE YOU!!!! HI MANDY I LOVE YOU!
I’m an introvert who became an extrovert (with the aid of booze and short skirts) but married an extreme introvert and ended up something in between.
Also, I’m incapable of blowing sunshine up your ass. I never took that class. (HA! I’m a poet!!)
If I call you friend, it means that I’ll help you hide the bodies, sneak you across borders and worry if I don’t hear from you. I’m enough of a realist to know that that sort of behavior is not typical – in real life or the blogosphere, so…I’m a little cautious.
With you? Dude. Nothin’ but oodles of love. I even jump up and down, at the risk of giving myself two black eyes. xoxox
Did the dog’s penis fall off? I’m assuming that’s what he’s staring at and why he looks so sad.
Brings back terrible, terrible memories.
Moooooo35! This is a family friendly blog, you can’t fucking talk about dicks and shit!
No, the dog is looking over at her squeaky toy, see it in the corner? (NOT a euphemism for dildos) and that’s why SHE is so sad.
Glad Kris brought us together. Sorry to hear about your penis…or is that not what the terrible memories are about?
Have I told you lately how I love you?
Okay, I’ll stop before the second verse, but it is true and everything you’ve said is so true. There is a lot of love around these parts. My biggest problem is keeping up with the love, because no matter what, that to me means more than anything. Some of my dearest friends have come from the blogging world, no matter if my hubs and children don’t think you all are real. I know you’re all the realest people I know.
Have I told you there’s no one else above you?
I love you too, man.
There ain’t strings on me, I am a real girl yes indeed.
And I hear you, the love is hard to keep up with, I am considering a mass email to let everyone that I read and love (you!!!) know that I read and love every single thing they write but that I don’t always comment because that baby of mine really gets in the way of me doing what I want!
I love this. It is the perfect answer to all the bloggy drama that has been going around. Kind of like an antibiotic or something…but much prettier.
Pretty antibiotic! I’m considering a praise section for the blog where I’ll have reviews from other bloggers, and “pretty antibiotic” is perfect for that.
Wondering if I’m kidding? I’m not really sure myself yet…
I think you should go for it!
Blogging about blogging generally bores the piss out of me, but I’m as attracted to reading about salacious gossip as much as the next gal. I do try to stay out of the middle of it which is why I am a chronic underachiever.
On another note, I see you have added email subscriptions so now I will be a more frequent guest.
Happy to bore the piss out of you on a more regular basis dear Poppy! (Although, spoiler alert I may never blog about blogging again because who the hell am aI?)
I was going to email you personally as you were one of the three people (probably out of the whole internet) that use the email subscription option for blog reading…doesn’t it overwhelm you?
You have 76 (!!) comments ahead of me. I’m going to nominate you for Homecoming Queen of this lovely blogosphere!