I know you have all probably had your fill of celebrity break ups recently, Cortney Cox and David Arquette, Billy Ray and Tish Cyrus, and of course Marinka and Husbandrinka, but I had to share my own marital troubles with you as well:
(This morning’s conversation with my life partner, Stan the Man)
Me: Darling* how was your dentist appointment yesterday? He had four fillings done!
Man: So pleasant!
Me: Assuming I’ve missed his extra-subtle attempt at sarcasm. But the shots, what about the shots?
Man: That needle is gigantic! And once the needle went in, Doctor D had to tweak it a few times. Does a “turning the crank” sort of motion with his arm.
Me: Having had a root canal just last month, I am visibly shaking from hearing this as I re-live painful flashbacks of the four and a half shots Dr.D had to crank into me.
(Yes I realize how dirty that sounds.)
(Shut up.)
Me: Gah! That sounds terrible!
Man: Terrible? It’s like a gentle massage for your gums.
Me: Stunned silence.
(Yes I realize how rarely that happens.)
(Shut up.)
Man: It’s almost as nice as the thing they use to scrape your gums when they clean your teeth. I wish I could have that done every week.
Me: They have to NUMB me for teeth cleaning.
Man: Oh.
And so ladies and gentlemen it is with a sad heart that I have to tell you I am contemplating divorce on the grounds that I am married to an android.
*if you called bullshit on this one you would be right.
Tags: a blog post without the word "baby" in it, marriage, married to an android
No judge in the land would think twice at granting it after hearing this story.
Divorce is imminent. Either that, or a re-watching of Quills.
No way Vicki-Jose I had nightmares for weeks from that movie!
My hubs hates the dentist… had to ask for a special gentle cleaning note on his chart. He’s man enough to be honest about it though. The result: no divorce in the near future due to having thenthitive gums. I kind of love that in this one area I’m “Da Man.” Does that sound weird….?
Dana
My husband milks his hatred of the dentist for all its worth!
Did you play around with your blog design again? looks good!
uh oh no I didn’t…
I like the “Husbandrinka” term. Very clever, Yuliya!
Oh not mine, that’s Marinka’s word for her husband…or her former husband potentially!
See, I’m the tough one in our house. Love the dentist. While my husband has to get extra Novocain and whines like a little girl at the very thought of it.
I wonder if it’s a genetic thing? Like some people’s mouths are just tougher. I know my dentist says I have more saliva than any of his other patients. This explains my drooling.
Wait. Courtney Cox and David Arquette BROKE UP??? Who’s next, Tom and Nicole Kidman???
I hate to welcome you to the year 2010 this way, but it’s true lots of folks calling it quits…
I had read about Marinka and Billy Ray and those famous fallouts. I’m sorry to hear about you and your ‘droid. There are bonuses to having a droid, aren’t there? I’m sure there are! Wishing you the best on that end… for now, have to click on your Courtney news… because, seriously? Hmmmm….
I am the official bearer or bad news…or maybe that’s Perez Hilton…
[...] Another Statistic [...]
Okay, that is just WEIRD. But if you love him, his dental abnormalities shouldn’t be a deal breaker
Or his being an android, as long as he follows the 3 laws.
Well of course he does, I wouldn’t put up with any law breakin’ androids round here. And yay for another Aasimov fan, welcome, welcome!
So there IS another one out there just like Alpha Hubby. Subtle humor… NOT. Subtle Sarcasm galore… yes.
Dude he was SERIOUS. He likes the dentist. But he is funny, guess I’ll keep him.
dude, that is too funny. maybe he got into the vodka stash before he went? oh wait… that’s what i would do. sorry, projecting. anyway, found your blog via sits and it’s awesome, you’re super funny and great and greatly super funny (and a very effective pony!).
Oh anything is possible.
I am SO following you from now on. You are my kinda gal! Popped by from SITS; Happy YOU day!
I bet you’re my kinda gal too! Your real life was back ordered? Genius.
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